It was surely not a piece of cake.

Clearing just one exam doesn’t make me a mentor or qualified enough to begin instructing about CSS. I didn’t do conventional studies. Didn’t follow past papers or drew maps, didn’t make notes or wrote an essay every week; Which by the way, doesn’t even make me the right choice to follow lol. All I did was learning English, reading and writing.

During my preparation for CSS, two things persisted to be nerve-wracking; Learning English and Writing practice. In government schools and even in college, your acquaintance with English stays limited only to one subject, proving far insufficient to have command over this language. To make matter worse, I felt this special kind of contempt towards English, bai, my mother-tongue was Pushto and national language Urdu, was I dumb to waste my energy on English? What, by the way, I was. As expected, I flunked English in Bachelor of Arts, though offended by the result, I managed to clear it the next year. On top of that, the university did not promise any about-face shift from college; cramming and yielding good grades continued to be a primacy. Cutting right to the chase, having seen the indispensability of English for CSS, I was already attentive to my doom. Shock and dismay filled my veins.

I had three roads steering me straight to CSS; accomodating the syllabus, learning English and practise English writing, with no choice or alternative at all, they had got to be covered, simultaneously. So I took my start from the syllabus; however, when I began reading the compulsory subjects, everything seemed so foreign, I simply couldn’t make head nor tail of it. TO UNDERSTAND EVEN THE SYLLABUS, I WOULD HAVE TO LEARN ENGLISH. Thereupon, English became my first ticket to get on the bus and in order to learn English, Grammar had to be the opening step. Would you believe it, if I say those were the days when I didn’t know any difference between is/are and has/have? If I don’t want any Academy to reap credit for my success, I believe should make sense after reading this. For me, it was hardly an easy voyage.

Would you believe it, if I say those were the days when I didn’t know any difference between is/are and has/have? If I don’t want any Academy to reap credit for my success, I believe should make sense after reading this.

To learn grammar, I opened youtube, shortly finding a channel “English Spoken Guru”, in which a teacher would teach English in Hindi (Urdu) something of exact my choice. I would watch his every video at least three times to wrap my head around the concept and later would unravel them on pages. In two months, I was able to crack a large chunk of the grammar. Having done that, I was back to the drawing board, proceeding with the syllabus and writing practice.

When I started my writing practice, believe me, I couldn’t go beyond “My name is Ayesha” It was extremely disheartening. Have you ever seen an infant struggling to learn his/her first language? I was that but a grown-up child. How even I was supposed to sit in the examination hall if I could not even write a single sentence? My uncle, on the other hand, would exhort me. I still remember his words saying “Keep writing. First, it would be a line, then a paragraph and if you maintain your practice it could expand into pages. Just don’t stop writing”. I owe him my success, always indebted.

I still remember my uncle’s words saying “Keep writing. First, it would be a line, then a paragraph but if you maintain your practice it could expand into pages. Just don’t stop writing”. I owe him my success.

I have been following his words to the present day. This stage of CSS proved to be draining my strength. I would cry for days, got panicked for 14 days. As someone had opened the door to the mental catastrophe. Regardless of the unfortunate episodes, I didn’t stop writing.

Although there were numerous suggestions, I was too timid to find a mentor for English. Rather, I thought to send my writing to some people i thought had a fluency in English. Anyway, It was a horrible idea. I was called a failure who was not born to ace CSS, “You are no match to those people, English defines them, “It’s not a piece of cake” “Even people with degrees from foreign could not clear Essay, where do you stand any chance? leave it.” It was enough to break me into pieces and somewhat it did but I pulled myself together and eventually, I became my own teacher. I would write every night for two hours and the next day I would check it myself. For two months, I followed this pattern rigidly. From sentence structure to grammar and wrapping up the composition, I kept enriching my writing.

15 days before CE-2019, I wrote an essay and sent it to my uncle. With exception of two mistakes, he was really surprised to see my improvement. Whenever I am asked that how did I improve my English? I make a correction. I LEARNED, PRACTICED AND THEREAFTER IMPROVED IT. It was never about improving but learning


To read the first part “When I heard the word CSS for the very first time

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3 Comments
  1. Salman Saeed says

    You are the epitome of motivation indeed. Your journey has inspired me a lot. Whenever you write something, it motivates me to the level where I don’t look behind and start striving more and more.

  2. SAMEER KHAN says

    This writer writes from the bottom of her heart. It really absorbs the reader. Her articles are really inspiring and highly addictive.

  3. Sahil Reza says

    I have been following your writing from the day first when you published your first blog. Regardless of who you are, your writing always enlightens my mind. The power in your words and the truth in your writings always inspire. This time you added more value by sharing your tireless journey.

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